When boss has gone mad.

Level of Boss' Madness - LBM

(a brief discussion about critical behavior of the big boss)

Hindu Cow

• Symptoms: friendly smiling, cracking jokes, complimenting, caring for troubles of others (health status, personal problems, life opinions...), adresses the employees in second person and uses their nicknames
• Occurence: the day before Christmas, first or last day in work (e.g. after holiday), some happy event (family, work, lot of drinking...), promotion to a higher position or other splendid success, he's away, abroad, out of work and any signal coverage
• Speech power: 40 dB - 75 dB (usually when laughing joyfully)
• Jokes: anytime he appears, 5 and more a day
• Swear-words: only used in a dirty joke
• Other special signs: such a rare phenomenon that people stare in awe (with eyes almost popped out, breath taken away), sudden occurence may cause a shock reaction
• Tips: Do not get fooled by this rare kindness, do not dare to think he became your friend after few lovely words!

Started

• Symptoms: (seems like) normally speaking, jovial and lively (but you just feel something is in the wind...), keeps realistic point of view, may speek frankly (! - dangerous, because may lead to a quick level up), still willing to help to solve your problems (only work related problems!), swift reactions, tremendous ability to observe fine details, first marks of sulkiness in speech
• Occurence: ordinary working day, rainy day (bad weather in general), bad food or hunger, lack of coffee or too much coffee, total lack of sleep, well supported by longtime stereotype
• Speech power: 60 dB - 80 dB
• Jokes: maximum 5 per day
• Swear-words: almost none, but depends on the type of personality
• Tips: This is the last chance to venture into the lion's den and ask for something you need

Average

• Symptoms: pretends to be normal (but he is LYING!), coming up with new tasks, suspiciously agile, energetic and pushing - but with obvious signs of nervousness (resembles manio-depressive person in maniac phase), asking a lot of uncomfortable questions, pathetical tendency to exaggerate trifles, begins to flutter and visit employees' office way too often
• Occurence: after realising that his working team consists of lazy pigs, after failing (no important business), typical for longtime stress
• Speech power: 70 dB - 90 dB
• Jokes: maximum 5, but with strong malicious, spiky tinge
• Swear-words: used rarely (something breaks, e.g. coffee cup; a visit of inspection authorities, other unexpected trouble)
• Other special signs: somehow he WANTS to get over this phase quickly and is extremely readily excited to the next level; this level is easy to confuse with the previous Started level !! but with careful considerations it can be identified correctly

Formidable/Fearsome

• Symptoms: not even pretending to be normal, very severe requirements, close to unrealizable, demands of "miracles on-demand, impossible under one hour" - type, remembering all unfinished work from past, remembering even work not assigned, asking strictly stupid questions, visits the office so often that he meets himself in the door
• Occurence: close to deadlines or right after missing some deadlines, failing (your failure), breaking some equipment, losing some documents
• Speech power: 85 dB - 135 dB
• Jokes: no jokes.
• Swear-words: one after three sentences (he typically uses short sentences, like "Why??", "Is it ready?", Where're the results??" - shorting words!), exponential growth of swear-words number when provoked
• Other special signs: he can persist in this level for incredibly long time
• Tips: Try to slip away at closest opportunity! (it might be your last one...), pretend fainting, being sick etc., eat a lot of dark chocolate, avoid drinking alcohol (you could talk too much in excitement or/and become revengeful)

Berserk

• Symptoms: roaring and yelling unstoppably, noise guided by notable flesh-colour changing (it may be constantly changed for some time interval or undergoing rather fast colour transitions - like a stoplight), undistinguishable sentences - asking/dictating/reporting at once, typically threatening with walking-papers or straight extermination
• Occurence: after missing some deadlines definitively, breaking the expensive equipment, losing important documents, failing (his failure), losing higher post (after this he won't go lower than Average level for couple of months or for the rest of his life), his enemy achieved success, personal troubles (nobody else knows)
• Speech power: Mirage is howled down
• Jokes: the fun is over!!
• Swear-words: the speech consists almost entirely of swear-words, of course, there might be even worse type of personality who does not use them at all (and thus does not ventilate the anger this way)
• Other special signs: things mysteriously breaking into pieces, creating new words when swear-words are mixed into speech while expressing his (aberrant) thoughts, using any superlatives is by far not enough to describe his appearance
• Tips: Forget about tips (reconsider suicide)